Once Treeless

Paralyzed by emotions, dismal visions haunt my eye’s memory
Faces in plates, probing hands of strangers, and the smell of pee.
Fairy letters under wet pillow laid, hoping they will set me free.

A veil of melancholy wraps me like a cocoon as dread is calling.
Our neighbor plucks buckshot from the leg, her husband’s shot.
The smell of Lysol emits from her wrinkled mouth, such an odd lot.

Insides stolen from abuse, dehydration leaving only pitted bones.
Hiding food in underwear for I can’t eat as the vultures are too near,
God give me grace to make it past another haunted holiday year.

by Joni 12/12/19

The holidays are hard for Adult Children of Alcoholics and others for a variety of reasons. This poem is written and dedicated to my best friend Janette and all who have sadness over the holiday season. May blessings bring warmth, love, grace, and forgiveness to those who have harmed your hearts. I love each of you as well as my new friends in the community.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA – Our Very Happy Home – Photo Joni Last Year With Clapping Trees

21 thoughts on “Once Treeless

    1. Thank you my friend for writing and commenting. Yes it is and although when I was young the internet was not available it is a blessing to reach out to those who are suffering to let them know they are not alone. I have grown into a place of peace. Love ❤️ Joni

  1. Great reminder that while it may be a joyful time for some, busy for others, stressful for all, it’s certainly one that brings sadness for many. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Thank you so much. I think for many of us folks extra prayer is helpful to get through the holiday season. Be blessed and thanks for your comment. Love ❤️ J

    1. Thank you Bulbul I so appreciate your reading and commenting. Reality for so many is difficult over the holidays. Hope you are well my friend. Love ❤️ you Joni

    1. Thank you sweet Sarah. Yes the holidays are very hard on many of us. I am grateful for many things and expressing my feelings by writing seems to help. You are welcome. Stay safe and blessed. Love you Joni

  2. Thank you for the dedication Joni, you are a treasure to me. I love the picture you posted with the snow. May you find joy in this holiday that isn’t tainted with nightmares of your past. Love you much

    1. Gosh I am so touched that you understood the poem so deeply. That makes me feel like I achieved something really special. Thanks so much for your sweet understanding. Love ya Joni

      1. I did. I thought of the longing deep inside to be so free from all the chaos and stress around you then. It shows part of your soul knew its true home, that’s what I got out of the poem anyway it was so poignant.

  3. One gift I gave my Inner Child 30 yrs ago was to let go of “celebrating” holidays. She’s been a lot happier for it.
    I give God thanx every day for HIS gift to us.

    1. Thank you so much. You know I don’t make a big deal out of the holidays. We usually go out for dinner but this year we did put up tree and buy a few gifts for our grandchildren. We celebrated it on the 16th of December. You are so right my friend the holidays were always a disaster so being thankful every day is definitely the way to go. God bless you for being a warrior and also for loving your inner-child. Thank you for the thoughtful advice as well. Nice to meet another ACOA. Love Joni

  4. Heartbreaking, Joni. I, too, find the real life horrors of this world worse than any Halloween movie intended to frighten children. May this holiday pass peacefully for you. May God fill your days w/ joy and light, in place of the darkness and evil you once had to endure, dear friend. <3 <3 <3

    1. Oh Anna I pray we both have happy Holidays. I never look forward to them. I still have bad memories, I would be a liar if I didn’t say I did. To me I am happy to have a meal with my husband and we would go to a church service. This year we will listen to one on line. I do worry about children being at home all day if they are in abusive environments and I know you do as well. May God bless you dear Anna and may your heart be at peace with His blessings. Love you my friend. 💕❤️Joni

Leave a Reply