Artwork Donated By ©️Francisco Bravo Cabrera For “One Petal At A Time”, Now Part of Our Art Collection
Family Forgiveness
Fall burns my flesh like rusty shades of her leaves. I cocoon in sorrow’s labored breath as I dine on erstwhile memories. My presence fades as echoes of yesterday’s nagging whispers seep through outworn cement on red-brick walls. Childhood lingers, caught between the weakness of once formidable walls that held monsters within.
Behind the bars of my elder brain lies the wisdom of tribute. For the monstrous things done to me were first borne by them. Cast off as wicked boskages, to starve, beaten with two-by-fours, and a mom whose innocence was taken at the age of fourteen. Blood drips from raw fingers as she timidly picks cotton before the humiliation of school begins. Her raw nipples, pulled pitilessly by subjugators, she has no money to buy a cone-shaped bra. Pale girls point with bone-idle fingers, gossip swirls around her, as sun-baked features loom, donned in a flour sack dress. Harvest money was spent on a trip to town by her father. Money meant to buy flour, sugar, and salt pork was spent on a weekend of drinks instead of winter’s staples.
Tortured is the soul that dreams of limbs that no torso seems to partner. In the false safety of the mountainous chill, the dimmed winter sun made visible those who lost the battle. Tears freeze on the cheeks of a sixteen-year-old soldier in Korea. Deserted by roots left to starvation. His brutish cruelty thenceforth inflicted like a feral cat whose face is lost by layers of fleas? My black eyes watch his with fear as his calculated movements during daily beatings with panties hugging skinny ankles. I am spat out, a skeleton of war, as he was only a teenager, knee-deep in a frozen sphere of death. Jilted in life’s savage belly, my dad was born into a portal of foreboding.
My forgiveness and sorrow for them both pour forth like a chilly spring, birthing hope. Life can be a heinous trickster, or we can forge a path less traversed. Understanding is a flower whose seed emerges into a path that bursts into a palette of rust, reds, and vibrant golds. Fall is an evolution, and so are humans. My cocoon is made from silk, discarded woe, and the molted coats of spring fawns. Lit by fireflies, my bed, forged limbs discarded from wise trees, that now form a memento of tenderness of God’s grace and mercy for all humans.
Alcoholism and addiction is a generational disease. I believe I stopped the cycle with my family, and although I was not the perfect mother (is that something that even exists?), I gave my heart and soul into making my daughter’s life unlike mine. My parents had horrible childhoods, unthinkable really, and sometimes I weep for lost time with them and the sadness that I could not have had them as role models and two people who took care of me. I lost them both before I was thirty. Growing up can bring the gift of forgiveness, as I, too, want to be forgiven for the wrongs I, too, have committed against others. I know that my parents did the best they could do. Christmas for me is a very hard time because I think of long, drunken weeks of abuse and fear. Yet, I was able to forgive my parents when I turned fifty. I don’t know why it took that long, but it did.
I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, covered with a blanket of memories that make us smile. I also know that many people are alone, and those who have been abused have not reached that point of forgiveness, and I understand. Growing up the way I did damaged me, physically and psychologically. I am a person who finds trust hard to come by, and I am extremely anxious. My immune system is not healthy, and I know that much of that is caused by the trauma I endured for 20 years.
So for all those struggling during the holidays, especially all the writers and people in the community, I send my love, my appreciation, and pray you all have a blessed time.
Wonderful post, Joni! Have a blessed Christmas season.
Thank you dearest Timothy for your gracious words. I hope you and your family have the most wonderful Christmas. Be blessed my friend. I will miss my daughter and family this year as they will be in Hawaii, they go every year and she needs the rest and the relaxation. However, it’s hard not to miss them during the holidays.
Heart going out to you dear Joni. Thank you for sharing your story. So many have stories they can’t bring themselves to share. Grateful, my dear Joni. Have a wonderful season ahead.
Oh, thank you dear Holly. So wonderful to hear from you. There is a great price that sometimes comes with sharing. As I get older I know longer care what others think. I have literally lost new friends after they have read my book. Although, I would not write these words if my parents were still with us today. I would also not write these words if I were in my forties either. But they were both gone before my 30th birthday and I did not find it in my heart to forgive them until I was fifty. I know that if my mother were alive she would love this piece. I miss her. . . Love you Holly
That you can forgive, dear Joni, is in itself a miracle. That you can move forward in beauty and grace is a blessing to all who read your words.
My love to you and yours. May you experience peace and continued fruitfulness in this season and in the New Year to come.
Grace and blessings,
Debra
Thank you so much Debra for your kind comment. Yes, it is so important to reach forgiveness, otherwise it festers and eats away at the one with the anger, even if it is warranted and justified. I could not agree more, but it was not easy. I was afraid every day as a little girl when I should have felt safe. That lack of trust toward others has not gone away for me and I pray about it often but it is extremely difficult for me to trust most people. That is a hard way to live and I hope that one day God will help me to be able to trust more easily. Blessings and Grace to you as well, Joni
heartfelt, Joni …
richest blessings and bestest wishes to you and yours…🤍🙏✨️
Dear Destiny, thank you for your response and I wish you many blessings as well. Big hugs, Joni
Expressed with such deep sorrow and courageous compassion for those who hurt you so profoundly, Joni. This piece is almost otherworldly in its imagery and stark horror. We are the sum of all of our life experiences, and for some, it’s just too much to overcome the damage and it consumes them until nothing is left but rage and violence.
I haven’t forgiven my father yet. Sixteen of my nearly sixty-two years of life have been spent in therapy as I continue to try to fix what he broke in my life. I don’t know if I’m as brave as you; I don’t know if I can find that forgiveness in my heart. But I’m so glad you were able to forgive your parents and find that grace that has blossomed you into the beautiful and wise person you are now.
You’re changing lives for the better with your writing, my friend. You persevered and found your way through to the light. That gives hope to all who read your sublime poetry. Keep shining, my friend. 😊🙏🕯️
Dear Friend, I can not thank you enough for your kind comment. You and I have so much in common, as you know my friend. We know what is done to self-esteem, being fearful – and how that affects anxiety – and maybe for me the hardest thing is lack of trust towards most adults. All these things are developed at an early age and we were busy fighting to survive at an early age when we should have been playing marbles, hide and seek, and having fun. Yet, we were busy trying to keep the peace in our households, fighting battles at the age of 5, and our nightmares continued until the day we left.
Keep in mind my friend, it took me two decades to find forgiveness. My parents were gone before I was thirty. I would not be too hard on yourself it was because my parents grew up themselves with horrors to deal with and therapist, and the internet was not easily available at that time – in fact the first computer had not been made at that time. So help was very difficult for my parents to get. I have learned through therapy in my 20’s and 30’s and through reading Dr. Claudia Black’s books that alcoholism is a generational disease and that it is difficult to break that cycle of abuse. I think God that I was able to do that. I feel blessed and appreciate your kind words, Mike. I love your poetry and feel the pain in your work as well. It takes courage to post and share with the world what you and your loved ones have been through. Big hugs and love my kindred friend.
Bless you for breaking the cycle, Joni. I pray healing for you, Joni.
Dearest Priscilla, thank you so much for reading and your gracious words, they mean a lot. I also appreciate your prayers because one can never get too many of them. Blessings to you 🫶
Blessings to you Joni 🙏
Thank you for your honesty and bravery.
Much love ❤️
Dearest Maggie, you are a sweetheart. Thank you for your honesty and bravery to speak out about a growing problem here and everywhere in the US and all over our world. Your new book, “Wildflower,” which I have bought the kindle, is a beautiful example of resilience, loss, the long trip to recovery and I salute you Maggie for having the courage to put yourself out there. The book is doing well in the States and I am grateful to have a copy. Thank you for all you do, and may you be blessed for your strength. Love you, Joni
Aww Joni , your kindness and support mean more than I can express in words. I find my courage because I know that so many others are still suffering and for them I must raise my voice.
Friends like yourself who have already done so and continue to speak out inspire me to keep going.
From my heart, I am so grateful to you for buying “Wildflower”, that means a lot.
It was important for me to continue my story .
So much love to you Joni.💖 and thank you for being part of my journey 🙏🤗
Dearest Maggie, the poetry I have already read in your book is simply beautifully written. It is hard to read, as all books that express sorrow, and extreme abuse, whether it’s domestic or parental abuse, is both difficult to write and read. I believe that your book will have an impact on others. After I have read more of your book, I hope that you will allow me to do a reading online on Instagram. I can tell it will be difficult to find a favorite as I like everything. I have read so much already.
I’m so happy for you, Maggie, and thank you for being brave enough to speak out so that people like myself and other others that have not gotten help know that help is available. May you be blessed always.
Dear Joni, since my writing journey began, I have always said, if my words touch one heart or one soul then I am happy.
These books are not for the faint hearted I agree.
But we are so uniquely placed with our pens and social media, we must raise our voice!
It would be an honour for me to have you read one of my poems, that is so kind!
Thank you so much for everything my friend and for the blessings.
I wish you the same 🙏
Yes, I understand Maggie and I agree with you. I felt exactly the same way. Many of my books were purchased from people who live in the Seattle area and they were delivered to many abuse shelters, including one for deaf women who are one of the largest abused groups today domestically.
They were also given to battered women’s shelters all across Seattle for Thanksgiving last year, by my daughter who purchased a box of books and gave them out as part of their foundations work in helping those in the community that can use the most help.
I am also so grateful to say that Michelle put my book in a store in the Philippines and Nigel put my book in a foundation. His family runs in Trinidad. Believe me, I am not bragging at all. Writing my book cost me friends who did not understand, because they were not abused and did not grow up or live with the consequences of that abuse and felt it was unkind. I suppose to write about it. That is why I say it takes a strong person to write about what’s happened to them because you can be ostracized and look down on as we were during our times of abuse. I hope that you will be able to do some readings yourself and have opportunities to talk to people. One thing I do is always carry around a few books in my car and if I meet someone, no matter where it is and I have a feeling they might benefit from my book. I ask them if they would like a copy, and I give them a copy that I purchased directly from my publisher. Those books do not count as purchased books, but I really don’t care the purpose of the book as you said is to help others.
I will be reading a poem from your book either Monday or Tuesday of this coming week. Many blessings to you, my friend and your book is simply beautiful and extraordinarily helpful to others.
Dear Joni, to be ostracised by friends is something I cannot get my head round.
They obviously were not friends in the first place.
I find that abuse is still a taboo subject 😥 why?
And people look at our words as if are dirty in some way .
How else can we heal if we don’t talk about it?
How can we give hope to others?.
I admire you so much Joni and the work you do.
I feel the same about Mich and Nigel.
Let the haters hate if it makes them happy.
Thank you so much for your kindness and support my friend 🙏 bless you.
I am beyond honoured that you are going to read one of my poems 💖
It will be my pleasure Maggie. Yes, unfortunately there are still people in the world that think it is unbelievable that people “will air their dirty laundry.” One has to wonder about those folks. We are indeed fortunate to have fellow authors like Mich, Mike and Nigel and you, who talk about abuse and do it to help others open their eyes and talk about what obviously needs to be discussed. Bless you again, Maggie, your book must have been hard to write and I for one am grateful to have it. Amazon is a bit late in making deliveries as we live in the county. So I wanted to have it immediately, so I bought a Kindle copy but once the holidays are over I will likely buy the hard copy as well. I also admire that you priced your book at an affordable price so more people could afford to buy it – your kids who are being abused and young married women. Bless you, Maggie. Love Joni
Dear Joni, you know these people would not have a clue where to start if they had lived through what we did.
We are the brave ones, but we go about our buisness in a kind, unassuming manner.
We tell our stories not for fame, fortune or “likes”.
I am grateful to anyone who buys my books and I don’t believe in pricing them high.
To be honest, I found “Pieces of Me” more difficult to write.
Time heals, slowly though but as we know it is not linear. Some days are harder than others, stil, we keep going.
Love, light and Peace to you always my friend.
Keep shining.🌟
To this I say one thing dearest Maggie – you are spot on in everything you have said. Love you sweetie – keep on spreading the word and educating those who would say franking I can not begin to relate to your stories or poems. You can’t set the price when you have a publisher. I have given so many books away – they don’t count as book sold because I get the copies at a very discounted price from my publisher, which I am so grateful for as I want as many people to read it as possible. You keep shining to my friend. I am so proud to call you my friend as well. Love you, Joni
Much love to you dear Joni.
Peace always 🙏
Thank you again, for everything !
You are so welcome, Maggie. You made this happen and two gorgeous books are the product of hard work, honesty and probably a lot of tearful nights. Writing does bring back painful memories but I feel sure that you will help so many people with your stunning work. Have a blessed week. Love and peace to us both.
Dear Joni, I am blessed to have met you on this journey my friend 🙏
It does bring back painful memories but it is all part of the healing process.
And helping others makes the pain worthwhile.
Love, light and Peace always 🤗
Amen, my friend. 🫶🌹
Joni 🙏💖
Maggie, I just posted the reading. I will do a review after Christmas. Love you, Joni
Joni, I am honoured 💖 thank you from my heart !
So much love to you my friend xo
It was my honor , Maggie. 🫶🤗🫶
Joni that was beautiful ❤️🤗❤️
I cant see where to leave a comment on your site .
Maggie I am glad you liked it. It is hard for me yo do your work justice with a reading. 🫶💕🫶
Dear Joni, I loved it and it was perfect .🙏
You have a lovely voice for spoken word poetry.
Your kindness is appreciated so much 🥰❤️🥰
More than I can express in words xo
Thank you so much dear Maggie. So happy your book is climbing to the front as well, YEA.
Joni, I am happy too.
This book, like Pieces of Me is very important to me, with the hope that my words give hope to those who need it.
Together we are stronger dear friend 🙏🙏
You are so right, Maggie. You are a brave soul and your books will help so many. Both the book and the kindle are doing very well, I hope that you get great satisfaction from that as well, Maggie, because you should feel good about that. People are reading your gorgeous poetry. ❤️🫶
Dear Joni, every survivor is brave I think.
I am beyond happy to know that people are reading my words, and taking something from them.
When you put your book out there , you can never be sure .
Thank you so very much again for helping me to help others ❤️🤗
I agree, Maggie, but sharing your story takes extra courage I think. You are a hero to me just like many of my friends. It is hard to tell some stories because it means older parents, siblings, etc. may be affected. However, you are right it takes strength just to keep moving after extreme abuse. We celebrate all those who survive. Love you Maggie
Sweet Maggie, I don’t know how I missed this. Hugs and love always.
Joni ❤️
And to you dear friend!
<3 beautiful, raw and honest, Joni
Thank you so much Beth for reading as it is greatly appreciated. I am so glad that you enjoyed reading this piece which was not easy to write but I felt that it showed that this kind of abuse can often be brought about by generational abuse. By explaining in poetic form what happened to my parents – my hope is to give others to think about how their parents may have suffered themselves. I eventually knew that I had to find the strength and love to forgive them, for I too, want to be forgiven for any hurt during my lifetime as we all are guilty of hurting others, no matter how hard we try to be compassionate and loving.
I was able to stop the cycle of this horrid abuse that went on for three generations. Thank you again, beth.
What a tumultuous picture you have painted here. I was caught up in every crease and fold. Wonderful writing.
Dearest Violet, thank you so much for reading. I am grateful for your thoughtful response. I am glad that you were captured by my writing and that you enjoyed it. That means so much to me. I am extremely grateful. Many blessings, Joni
I really appreciated this piece, Joni dearest. There is so much unraveling in those lines. Perhaps the most powerful piece I have read from you.
Wonderful.. wonderful.
Dearest Nigel, what a sweet comment. Thank you so very much. Yes, there is a lot of humiliation of my mother and the poverty she lived in. My father leaving home so that he had something to eat after my father left her and she was fifteen. She just sat in her chair and did nothing and he was hungry – so off to war and in Korea at age 16, finding body parts and putting them in a bag and then making ice-cream in the evening for the other soldiers. It shows the horrible way in which they grew up and I feel like they never had a chance for any kind of a productive life. My dad did the best he could do for his family. We always had food on the table and a roof over our heads. That was more then either of them had. Grace and forgiveness is essential in order to move forward. It is not easy and I am older so I know what I am talking about. I was thirty when they were both already gone. I was a wise old soul at the age of 5 or 6 and by 18 I felt I had lived a lifetime. I am blessed – but pray for me – for even though I have forgiven my parents and I have – I have a lot of anger inside of me some days and I don’t know what to do with it. So I write on those days. Big hugs and lots of love from both of us, Nigel
Mom! I love you. Thank you for being a beautiful person and always sharing your story to help others. Love Carolyn
Dearest Daughter, what a sweet comment coming from you, as you and your family have been helping wrap 1,300 presents for those that are not as blessed as we are. Those who would have no Christmas without the help of your company’s wonderful foundation. I am so grateful for all that you do and so proud to call you my daughter. You have spent your life helping others and also doing your job which carries so much responsibility. I love you beyond words and I am so grateful for all that you do to help others. Love you daughter!
My dear friend, this is heart wrenching. You are a beautiful soul. May this Christmas bring you peace and joy. With love, A. <3 <3 <3
Dear Anna, How sweet for you to visit me again as I have not been to many sites forever. I am working on a project for a friend who was so supportive of me when I was about to publish my book, just trying to give back to someone who was so generous. Thank you so much for reading Anna, as I know this one was particularly graphic but it is also all about forgiveness. I often wonder what you are doing Anna and since Carolyn will be in Hawaii, we will be home during Christmas and I will be recovering from sinus surgery. I love you and appreciate your friendship and your education about so many issues over the years. You are an amazingly stunning writer and I am sure you were a brilliant lawyer who gave of herself to help those that did not have the money to provide their own defense. Blessings to you this Christmas and to your family as well.
You are far too kind, Joni. May God bless you and yours at Christmas and throughout the New Year. <3
This is so achingly hard and truthful and beautiful, Joni. I was also about 50 when forgiveness happened. What a huge relief to let go of all those wishes for a past that could never be. And to break the cycle … that, my friend, is your gift to your daughters, to the world, and to the future. It will ripple through generations.
Wishing you a beautiful holiday season, and a most exquisite new year, filled with love, good health, happiness, and abundance. Hugs. <3
Dearest Diana, I thank you deeply for your kind comments. I am so glad that you were able to find forgiveness at 50 as well. I must say that it is only because I have had a better life because my parents both died before I was thirty – they both died with their own assistance and I think the most horrible part of that is that you have no warning. My mom even though she could not have been crueler to me when my dad orchestrated his own death, at the VA, but I wasn’t in on that. She would not let me hug her or console her. She refused to let me stay at our relatives where she was staying. However, she was sober two years before she killed herself and I had the best conversation I had ever had with her prior to her killing herself that same week. I could not have found forgiveness as I was so young and I felt abandoned completely after my mom had become sober. I wasn’t even thirty. So after I got older two decades later I realized that given the way that she and my dad grew up – poor, neglected and hunger and abused – they too, deserved forgiveness. It is such a weight off to find that forgiveness. I am so grateful that you did as well. Living where you do amongst the trees with your hubby and your amazing gift of incredible imagination is so wonderful. We own Necromancer’s Daughter audio and kindle and we will wait until I am not working on any projects to read it together, like we read your beautiful book, “Tales of the Season’s Weaver,” we both enjoyed that so much. We will be here at home and we don’t really participate in decorating or any of that commercial stuff for Christmas. Bless you Diana and thank you for reading. Big hugs and love, Joni
I think it helps when we can see the pain that our parents endured, and understand that they did the best they could as damaged people. It doesn’t excuse abuse, but it can create a crack where a little light and compassion can enter. I also think that we don’t have to “own” their choices. They can own them, all of it, and that too is part of letting go.
Thanks so much for the kind comment about my books. You’re wonderfully kind. <3 <3 <3
You are most welcome and you are also right. Enjoy your family my friend. Big hugs, it is always a blessing to have them home.
Bless you Joni for sharing your story, cruel as it be, you are stronger, wiser and more compassionate, and I admire you for breaking the cycle of abuse. Wishing you and your family a lovely holiday season!
Dearest Tiffany, You are so kind to read my piece here, thank you dear friend. I am sorry, some how I missed your comment, but I am just truly grateful that I am seeing it now because it means so much. I feel badly that my parent’s lives were so awful growing up and know that had so much to do with the abuse we endured. Thank you for your sweet comment, Tiffany, and I wish you and yours the most wonderful holiday as well. Hugs, blessings and love, Joni
Merry Christmas to you and yours
Joni 🎄🎁😎
Dear David, I have you on my list to visit my friend. I always like to see what you are up to, but I take my time when I am on people’s sites. Some of your work I like to read twice. There is always such great stuff in all your work. Sending blessings and love to you and yours as well for Christmas and always, David. Big hugs to you.
My parents weren’t substance abusers, but they had their own demons to cope with and never did. Instead, my brother and I were the ones who suffered from their emotional and psychological abuse. I have a hard time forgiving them because they were both intelligent people. Congratulations, Joni, and I wish you a Merry Christmas!
Dawn, I am so sorry to hear this. Yes, I too have been around a family of doctors who could be nice but were also unbelievably abusive at times. So please just know that I am sorry. It became easier after they had been gone for two decades. So believe me I get it. Some day perhaps you will be able to forgive them. We can also pick our own family. That is what I did. Now I have my daughter and her family. I wish you all the peace and love for the holidays. 🙏🤗🫶