My New Featured Post on Spillwords Press NYC, “Abuse Montage”

I wrote this poem about the abuse I suffered as a child from a child’s perspective. Many isolated children during this challenging time are at even greater risk. Children who suffer significant abuse often look and behave perfectly in public.

Photo by Pixabay

abuse montage

dark shadows are the sting of my life
memory clouded by waves of strife
tiny eyes, hold back a mountain of tears
no doors in walls to keep out fears
safe with other families, or so I had thought
guess my grownup uncle had not been taught
dollies watch crying and no longer sip their tea
saying no, but strong hands probing, I can’t get free


69 thoughts on “My New Featured Post on Spillwords Press NYC, “Abuse Montage”

  1. I applaud you for speaking your truth about such an unforgivable travesty. No child deserves to live through that kind of pain. I hope your words bring comfort, or a voice, to the others who sadly share your story. Well written and honest in its clarity and conciseness. Well done and well deserved recognition of your talents!

    1. Thank you Brad I appreciate you reading. No, of course you are right no one deserves this but unfortunately many young children are abused. It makes us stronger and I like to call myself a warrior because in spite of all the abuse I have had an amazing and blessed adulthood. You have some amazing work on Spillwords as well my friend. I am also sure I read an interview that was written a long time ago as well with a nice picture of you on the article. This poem is really written in a child’s voice. I worry about so many isolated children and no school right now. I appreciated Spillwords publishing this piece as I truly hope it brings some awareness. Thank you Brad for your kind support as well. It is always appreciated. Sending love and hope for a great week coming up. Jonikens

    1. Thank you Ben. I had lots of help when I was in my early twenties and became a very strong woman who gave back a lot I hope. Hoping to raise awareness to those who are isolated during such long periods around the world. There is help out there. Thank you for reading my friend. Have an amazing day and new week. Love and hugs Joni

    1. Thanks for reading Cassa. I want other people to be aware as so many children have no place to be but home right now. This is not a good situation for abuse children but there is help. I appreciate your support my friend. I got help early and it made me a warrior of sorts and someone who gave back in many ways over my career. Sending love and hugs your way my friend. Love Joni

      1. Hope is the key Joni. Your testimony spoke hope. One of my dear friends lost all hope and never walked out the other side. I weeped for her while I celebtated with you. Lots of love! 💜💚

      2. I am so sorry my friend. Some children are abused so badly and are afraid to ever get help and don’t make it. I am truly sorry. I had my faith to cling to and knew someday I would be away from my abuse. I am stronger because of what I have been through. However to say that tears don’t just sometimes come from nowhere would be a lie. I also am married to my best friend and have a loving and amazing daughter who I love so much. I am so blessed. Thank you Cassa so much for sharing and I am so sorry. Children need to know there is help and teenagers and women too. Love you ❤️Joni

    2. I am oh so sorry for the child within you. I am so happy to hear that our God was able to comfort and deliver you. Though you are free, I know many are not, and it gives me the sickest pit in my stomach to think of it, just to read what you had to endure. It speaks volumes of the wickedness of this world in what they can do to such innocence. I pray the Lord would continue to use you mightily as He has been. Surely your story, and efforts have helped many, if not just to let them know they are not alone. Bless you sister, God keep you in perfect peace!

      1. Oh thank you so much for your kind and gracious words. I was isolated in many ways and God was my constant companion. Even as a very little girl I talked to Him all the time. When I was in second grade I lived in the south in a tiny little town. I would pray out loud during class any time I felt moved to do so. My gracious teacher had strong faith and although I disrupted her class frequently she knew somehow and never stopped me. I survived only due to God’s Loving Hands.
        Thank you so much for your kind and gracious support. Sending you love, peace, and blessings too. 🙏🦋🤗💕❤️

    1. Thank you John, you are always such a wonderfully supportive friend. I want people to be aware of children stuck at home that might be being abused, that there is help. I got help in my early twenties and have lived a blessed life and have given back to society during my career in many ways. Thank you for always giving me your wonderful support John it has meant so much to me, truly. Sending love, hugs and blessings your way my friend. Joni

      1. That is very sad. My parents were both horribly abused as children. I have forgiven my parents and I love and miss them both. As they were gone before I was thirty, I miss them today still and wish I could talk to them and let them know that I love them and understand that help was definitely not available to them when they were growing up. Thanks again John for your kind support, it has meant so much to me. Love ❤️Joni

  2. Ah Joni. My heart aches, for many reasons. Your words were too familiar to me. THe feeling still echoes in my memories. I have spent a lifetime telling myself (and others) ‘ I am not what someone did to me’. Thank you for writing these words. We need to protect the children.

    1. Oh my dear friend I am sorry that you can relate to these words on a personal level but thank you for sharing a piece of your heart. That means a lot. You are right, what was done to me and so many children do not define who we are, and we are not what was done to us either. My reprieve from abuse was school for so many years and holidays and summertime was often unbearable. So I worry terribly about children stuck at home. They need to protect these children as you said. Thank you so much for reading and sharing. Sending love, hugs and blessings your way. Flowers of all sizes and glorious smells via beautiful fairies. 🤗❤️😘🧚🏻🧚🏻🌸🌸

      1. Thank you for all of the wonderful gifts 🙂

        I know many of the teachers and protective service people I work with (or who are family/friends) have the same worries. I have heard of some remarkable stories of teachers stepping in to make sure their ‘kids’ are okay.

        And so you know…I appreciate who you are.

      2. It is my honor to be able to share my story without the shame and horrible finger pointing I got as a child for things that happened that were completely out of my control.

        I appreciate you as well. Thank you so much for your kindnesses. It sounds like you are in a professional position where you are giving back that is wonderful. I am not surprised to hear about the children and the teachers. They were so wonderful to me. I am grateful for everyone who steps up and helps. Thank goodness for those who help the innocent children and teenagers of the world. I am grateful for therapists, teachers, social workers, women who run abuse women shelters and groups where people go to talk.

        Thank you again for your kindness and I am so glad to hear about the positive stories you are hearing.
        Love ❤️ and hugs Joni

  3. My dearest honeybun,
    Before I tell you how beautiful and impactful your words are I have to congratulate you on having the courage to speak up on behalf of others. You rock my dear.

    The poem is touching and gorgeously written. You take the reader with you in an unjust world of suffering. A world that we should all work to eradicate.

    Five stars, sweetheart.
    Stay blessed and inspired.
    G (Button)

    1. Oh dearest Button thank you for your kind words. I am so glad you liked it. I wanted to write it from a child’s perspective not as an adult. I am glad you felt the words my sweet friend. We do need to eradicate this horrific injustice from our society. Teachers were my mentors and in many ways took care of me. I loved my teachers and couldn’t wait to get to school.

      Thank you so much for reading. I hope your ankle is healing Button. I pray you can get some rest soon. Sending love, thanks and always prayers. Love and hugs from honeybun 🤗💕❤️😘🦋🌸🌸

      1. Joni, you are breaking my heart. I don’t know what else to say besides that I admire your courage, your fight, your victories, and your talent. Yes, we need to eradicate the abuse of children, women, and other groups. It’s going to take time but hopefully we’ll get there.
        Love you
        G (Button)

      2. You have already said it all dearest Button. I appreciate your vote as well. You have said so many things that have brightened and blessed my heart dear Button. I thank you for all your wonderful support and your kind words. I so appreciate your support in everything I do. Thank you for acknowledging the courage to speak up as well. I hope some day we will completely rid society from the need to prey on the innocent. For now, those of us who were the abused that came out stronger, more compassionate, intuitive and who have pursued avenues to speak out are doing so. I will always be grateful to the top of the mountain for all your encouragement and your belief in my talent.
        Love you dearly,
        Honeybun 😘🦋🤗💕❤️🌸🌸🌷🌹🌻🍄

    1. I am glad you were moved my new friend. I appreciate your reading. Thank you so much. People need to be aware and I am grateful to Spillwords for publishing this poem as it is not easy to read. Have an amazing day my friend. Sending love and blessings your way. Joni

  4. 5 stars definitely. I’m blessed to have you in my life & as a dear friend. You are an inspiration & a warm beacon of hope for all the people suffering in silence. Abuse needs to be talked about, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. Human life is so precious. I’m very proud of my friend Joni & I love you tremendously.

    1. That is so kind dearest Janette. Your words touch me so tenderly. Your comment is so beautiful Janette and I am so touched by your support. I love you very much. I hope your hand is better and that Zeke is ok too. You are so right abuse must be talked about or it will never go away. Thank you my sweet Janette.
      I am sending additional fairies to do all the work and feed your many birds etc. in the yard till your hand is completely well. They also make a great cup of tea with honey. Love you sweetie 🤗💕❤️😘🦋🧚🏻🧚🏻🧚🏻🧚🏻☕️

  5. Joni, this has left me with tears on my cheeks… and that feeling of fear and dread in my stomach. You capture the heartbreaking emotions and the perspective of a child… the details she would notice or be important – the dolls, the door, her hair…. her attempts to cope, to float away, to never speak… You are an incredible writer my dear friend, the emotions you elicit in your reader. For me, I see the talent in your every word, and I also see the little girl who suffered, alone. I wish we could have held each other’s hands. I’m sure I would have known you from the moment I saw you.

    You’re an absolute inspiration Joni. Brave, fierce, and vulnerable and caring and kind all at the same time. Incredible.

    Sending you all my love dear friend xxxx

    1. Dearest Rachel you have touched a part of me that lives in the deepest inside still and always will of course. We get past it of yes, even live productive lives and some contribute by giving back or trying to but many never are able to find happiness. I attribute mine to God. I prayed as a very small child out loud in school off and on all day long. I only got away with it because of the rural southern community I lived in and the loving teacher I had. Yes we would have seen the “look” on each other’s faces and known and been best friends. Wouldn’t that have been wonderful to have a friend to tell your secrets too. Thank you for reading and your beautiful words to me my friend. I love you Rachel. 🤗💕❤️❤️😘🦋Joni

      1. I feel like reading your poetry and knowing you through that, does feel like I have a friend to tell my secrets to. It’s funny, I also became a little religious but that had to be my secret too because I was banned from it because a particular adult around me said it was nonsense and I was to have nothing to do with it. I was not allowed to go to the bible stUdies at my school. But that’s a long story.

        I love you too Joni, and I’m so grateful to have connected with you xxoxxoo

      2. Oh I feel the same reading your work. You are my friend and you are in my prayers. I am so sorry someone even forbid you from having faith. God knows your beautiful heart my friend. I too, am grateful for you my dearest Rachel. Please take the best of care and know I love you and you are in my heart and prayers. Xoxoxo Joni

  6. It is a miracle that you survived such pain, Joni, and a further miracle that you can write about it. I wish you a blessed Thanksgiving. You have my heartfelt thanks for your friendship, support, and prayers. With love, A. <3 <3 <3

    1. Thank you Anna. I had my faith and prayers and that made all the difference. I still lived in fear and felt guilty all the time. Children that are abused as are women should never feel guilty. My parents were both gone by the time I was thirty. I forgave my parents but it took years. I spent several years in therapy when I was in my early twenties and that helped a lot. It was a process. It was such a joy to know I didn’t need to be embarrassed or ashamed any longer as I was a child. Thank you for your kind comment my friend.

      You have a blessed thanksgiving too Anna. You have my heartfelt gratefulness for your love and friendship also. With love, J ❤️❤️❤️

  7. such heartfelt and sad words you share sadly from experience Joni but they make a difference to every young girl suffering. Thank you for speaking out and holding our young women with love and assurance giving them strength to speak out. ! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Cindy

    1. Thank you so much Cindy for reading and your kind comments and support. I do worry so much for children that are left for so long at home if they are with an abusive family. I am grateful to Spillwords for publishing this piece and hope it helps get the word out. Sending you love and hugs my friend. Love ❤️ Joni

  8. Dearest Joni, my eyes are heavy after reading this poem of yours…I get chills just by reading to your lines…you’ve suffered all this…pain, torture, abuse, trauma…none of these words are enough to express what you’ve gone through…not only are you sharing your suffering but you’re sharing your love, your courage, your wisdom as well…I can see your inner light & sense a piece of your inner intelligence…you’re also bringing awareness to those who’ve gone through the same…and to everyone else as well, so they can feel this feeling…I applaud you…for sharing your truth…for being the beautiful YOU…you’ve burnt yourSelf to become this fire…the Being…the one, which is pure love…Much love, light, peace to you…a beautiful being ❤️✨

    1. Dear Navin, I appreciate your kind and supportive words more than you know. I feel a responsibility especially now as so many children are at home all the time now with COVID-19. Abused children often look like the best dressed kids with perfect manners while they are frightened to death. I can’t thank you enough Navin for all your beautiful words about me. You have touched my heart in such a kind way and it means the world.
      Thank you for reading even though it is hard to read and for your love, and your loving heart. Have a wonderful and blessed week dearest Navin. Love, flowers and dreams of flying in your sleep to wonderful places. 💕❤️Joni

      1. Dear Joni, yeah it’s true that it’s hard to read….but that’s not even a drop as compared to what you’ve gone through, which is an ocean…..with your inner strength, hard work, your light, you’ve overturned that ocean of trauma & abuse to a vast ocean of love & peace….you’re sharing your life to bring awareness….it’s a gift & blessing to others….including myself as well…..have a continued day of joy, light, love & peace ❤️✨

      2. You have touched my heart so tenderly my friend. You have blessed my heart with your words. Thank you Navin and bless you. Love and peace Joni 💕❤️🦋

  9. Oh Joni, what you do to hearts and for hearts are big confrontations of fear, regrets, understanding and on the trails of forgiveness. Big Big Hugs to you!🥵🙏💗💗🙏

    1. Thank you my friend. I have forgiven my parents. They were both deceased prior to my 30th birthday. They had horrific childhoods themselves. I lived in constant fear as my father would also get his shotgun out in the house and once shot towards me while calling my name. I was at the edge of the woods. This is a frightening time for abused children because they don’t have the time away from home with teachers who were such a blessing to me. Educators do so much including keeping an eye out for abused children. My parents did the best they could. My mom is the one who taught me about God and it was that faith that carried me through my daily life. Thank you as always for you kindness and your comments. Sending love, hugs and cups of coffee with beautiful hearts on top made from the slight ruffles of an angels wing. ❤️💕🤗☕️🦋Joni

      1. Abuse is like a disease across a broad spectrum in relationships, on the domestic front and in the formative years of children. Love with the right application is what Christ’s extends to us for deliverance and healing. Some people have blood running they their veins, others have air and then there are those whose veins are filled with tears. All are in need of a release into love. Thank you dear Joni for the touching share. Healings are a people unite. Big Hugs!☕️☕️🌺

      2. You are so right my friend. I am so blessed to have a wonderful life with a partner in which I am equally yoked and he is also my best friend. I hope that people are on the look out for one another. It was my blessing to share. Thank you for reading my friend. Sending you lots of love and blessings. Stay safe, love to you and your family. 🤗💕❤️🦋☕️☕️

    1. Thank you for your kindness Tiffany. I really appreciate your sweet comment. Bless you my friend and I hope you and your loved ones have a safe and blessed thanksgiving. I do pray for all the abused children, teenagers and adults who are having to spend extended time away from school which was such a blessing and safety net for me. Love you my friend. 🤗💕❤️Joni

  10. Joni, I just read your about me page and really enjoyed learning more about you and your background. You’re daughter sounds like a wonderful and successful lady. I know you’re proud of her! You are an inspiration to us all to have overcome so much. I also noticed you said you worked in HR. I’m actually taking an HR class now lol. I pray the Lord continues to bless you and your family. Thank you also for being brave and sharing this post. 💛

    1. Thank you sweet Dawn. I am very proud of my daughter. She has a very close relationship with Our Lord too. I am blessed that my mother taught me about the Lord. I was always talking to God and He took care of me too. Many terrible things happened which I should not have survived but God was always there. You would be great in HR. I was a nurse in WA State and then took a two year Paralegal program specializing in contract law. So my involvement in HR started out writing procedures and teaching required classes. I liked the variety. You will do great in what ever you set out to do. There was so much inequity when I was in HR. I had to stand up to management a lot and at times it wasn’t comfortable but I did what was right. I am very stubborn my friend. You and your family be blessed and safe. Sending you lots of love. 💕❤️🤗😘

      1. I’m glad your mom taught you about the Lord, having that foundation is a huge blessing. My mom did the same. I’m working on an MBA with a concentration in accounting and the HR class is required. I work in Accounting. I can tell HR involves a lot of legal stuff lol. That’s awesome you stood up for what is right. Blessings, be safe too. Love and hugs to you! 🥰😘

      2. Good for you my friend. What ever you do you will be a blessing to those around you as you walk with light. That is a lot of work but you can do all kinds of things with that degree my friend. I know your family is proud of you. Stay safe and have a wonderful thanksgiving. Love ❤️ you 🤗💕Joni

  11. 💙 Sending so much Love, beautiful Joni. I’m so sorry about Your path but smile at the beautiful woman You grew into with such a wide-open heart and a willingness to share Yourself so openly. 🤗❤️🙏🏼💖🤗

    1. Thank you my friend yes my heart is wide open. What happened during my childhood made me who I am today. I am a very blessed person. I hope by sharing if even one child is helped it will a wonderful thing. Sending lots of tubes of paint, brushes made by fairies and lots of reclaimed wood will be by your tree where the angel sits. Your dragons stop by often now for hugs and they are back before you know they are gone. Love to you and your sweetheart. 🤗💕❤️🦋🐉🐉🧚🏻🧚🏻Joni

      1. Ahhhhh! Lovely! Such sweetness! Sending You pens forged in the birthplace of the stars and paper made from Angel laughter to write You healing, heartfelt, beautiful words on. So much Love to Y’all too!!! 💖💖💖

      2. Wow that was so
        Beautifully said Katy. Thank you for such precious gifts. ❤️💕🧚🏻🧜‍♀️🐉Joni

Leave a Reply