Yelling at God

Enclosed in a hellish hall where monsters percolate and bleed
Tiny am I, not sure I’m real; I live in a world of fairies and angels
Smoke blew in my face while long sticks leave blood on my legs
My mind travels to wonders I conceive from my jumbled dreams

Brown eyes tired while life drips like my heart’s blood reminding me
God holds me in His tender love, yet weak for I am terrified of my life
Southern rain soaks my nightie as the wheat whips around harshly
Bare feet sting as I throw bare scrawny arms daringly into the angry sky

Besieged with bitter wrath my spirit hovers over this field of plenty
Screaming against the wind at God to lift me with His Mighty Hand
I wait, I wait for nothing, screams meld with thunder and harsh gusts
Back again, with hope, I watch her kick the baby across the floor
Once again my silent spirit springs forth and lifts me out the door

Written by Joni Caggiano 02/27/20 – Dedicated to all ACOA Warriors

Love to all of you from my adult heart, Joni.

20 thoughts on “Yelling at God

      1. You’re so very welcome, Joni! Yes, it really came through. I could sense the hope underlying everything else. But, it was definitely there. I’m glad you could hold on to hope. It can truly create miracles and blessings. Much love back! 💖

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    1. Thank you sweet friend. I am glad you read it and thanks for your comment. It is important for ACOAs to remember and share to show other survivors they can have a wonderful and blessed life with God’s love. Love you bunches Janette. 💕❤️😘

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  1. Oh Wowza, Joni–you write with such power from a strong warioress’ heart. One of the multitude of things I LOVE about God, is that we ARE permitted to yell at Him. A number of years ago I was so frustrated, powerless, alone, in pain–I yelled and cried until, like a toddler, I wore myself out. And I heard Him so clearly, say, “I don’t care what you say, or the tone you use–as long as you keep communicating with Me. Don’t run away and hide, suffering silently. I’m here, I’ll never leave you–I hear you, I love you, and I’m working on the solution.” I think that was the day I hollered, like a 13-yr-old, “are You on a coffee break?? Are You on vacation somewhere tropical??” It seems so funny, now that I’m a little more mature…most days 🙂 Love you, Joni–have a blessed weekend (yes, I’m starting early–celebrating the victory over “Egyptian” ants 🙂 )

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    1. What a blessed experience you had although so sorry for your pain. He is always with us and your right we can yell at God as long as we believe. Sounds like an amazing faith experience you had Rhen. I am so glad your ants are gone at last. Thank you for reading and for sharing your experience Rhen. I truly appreciate your sweet honesty. Love you sis. Hugs to you and have a glorious weekend. ❤️❤️

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      1. Thank you for allowing me to share my genuine faith experience(s)–it’s difficult to NOT share, when we’re talking about the One we love. If anyone had told me 20 years ago that some day I’d be an authentic woman of God, I’d have snorted–because, although technically saved since age 14, I spent all but the past 9 years believing I’d be lucky to get a small basement closet in Heaven’s mansion. I felt totally unworthy–of anything, anyone’s love, all my life. And I’m certainly not boasting in myself today; but I do boast in the Grace of God, our Savior, Jesus–for it’s His shed blood alone which makes us worthy. Ooops, sounds like I’ve gone to preachin’ here on your blog, sorry! 😉 Much, much LOVE to you, dear Sister!!💕

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  2. Joni, this is such a powerful piece. Written by an unbelievable talent.

    “Besieged with bitter wrath my spirit hovers over this field of plenty
    Screaming against the wind at God to lift me with His Mighty Hand
    I wait, I wait for nothing, screams meld with thunder and harsh gusts”

    WOW. Very strong.
    Have a beautiful day ahead. I hope everything is ok, hon.

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    1. Oh yes I am delightfully blessed and happy. The ACOA post(s) I do are relating true accounts of my childhood. I don’t live in the past but I worked hard to get over my abusive childhood. People that are still suffering from the abuse they went through while growing up with alcoholic parents need to know there is a way toward happiness. The incident I wrote about happened when I was seven. Thank you for asking sweetie. God has blessed me in every aspect of my life. You have an amazing day. Love you 😘

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  3. Joni, as I read this poem I felt its impact on my heart. Very powerful, and beautifully written…an image of terror, despair and heartbreak but not of emptiness as the presence of God is there as comfort…you are an incredible person with a loving and caring heart, pure and generous and possessing an enormous talent.
    Hope you’ve a blessed weekend Joni,
    lots of peace and happiness, and like John Lennon said, “all you need is love”
    Love from Spain to those southern American skies of your home,
    Francesc

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