Live on MasticadoresIndia – “Secret behind my dad’s death”

Story by Joni Caggiano and famous artwork by John Collier, 1891 – Lady Godiva

Strange questions were bouncing off the wall when I said goodbye to Dad. As I lay, the phone down, my intuition was flexing its head like a water moccasin. I sensed a myriad of harsh realities lurking like monsters in dense fog. It was a simple lung biopsy, and they had stabilized his blood pressure, so why weren’t my parents listening? The week at the VA hospital was a preventative measure because Dad had two inoperable brain aneurysms.

Mom insisted I come even though I told her I didn’t have the money for the ticket. So, I borrowed it and would see Dad early the next afternoon. This would be my first visit with them since their two-year sobriety. A dreadful feeling began to cover me like a blanket of red bricks.

Aunt Marie met me at the airport. She looked much older, and I could tell she had been crying. She held me so tight, like a lid on a mason jar, when we made a stop to pee. Her weeping was competing with the Dog-day cicadas. “What is it, Auntie?”

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62 thoughts on “Live on MasticadoresIndia – “Secret behind my dad’s death”

    1. Yes indeed Cassa. I believe our God is merciful and I too forgive. If I can’t forgive others I can’t expect God to forgive me. Thank you so much for reading and your support Cassa. 🦋❤️

    1. Thank you so much for reading and your comment, means a lot to me. By the way, I can’t believe how many songs you have recorded on SoundCloud. In order to comment you just need to take a second to sign up. “El Cheo – “The Guy”
      There are some amazing pieces on there. 🦋❤️

      1. El Cheo in Cuban is curmudgeon. When one of our architects thought I needed a stage name for when I performed flamenco guitar many years ago, he asked me what curmudgeon was in Spanish. “Cascarrabias” was not a good stage name, so I asked our Cuban friends, and they said “El Cheo” is what they called curmudgeons in Cuba. So El Cheo became my stage name.

        When I lived in Spain I had a daily journal I called “El Diario del Cascarrabias” the Curmudgeon’s Diary. I would mail printed copies to friends and family every month. It was proto blogging in print I suppose.

      2. That is a great story Tim. Also kind of funny, maybe you just are not a morning person or something, but I would never see you that way. You certainly haven’t lost the ability to play the guitar in an incredibly way. Your talents are many and you have a kind heart. All the women on line feel it, I know they do. I bet it was fun keeping a diary and sending it to friends and family – within those pages lie some wild stories I am sure. Blessings and thanks for sharing that with me. Sending hugs to you and Laurie. xoxoxo

    1. Thank you Kinge for your kind words. I was in my twenties when this happened and I know my parents are in heaven – at peace. Alcoholism is a frightful disease and I broke the cycle with my family. I know we will rejoice in heaven one day. Thank you so much. Blessings to you and your family. 🦋❤️

      1. Welcome. Okay, that was quite a while back. Its good you broke the cycle. Yes, they are in heaven. Blessings to you ❤

      2. Thank you so much Kinge, I have always known I will see my parent’s in heaven. Thank you for your reassuring words, a very thoughtful comment. Blessings to you and your loved ones.

    1. Amen, so true Francis. I look forward to seeing my parents in heaven as they both believed in God. My story is part of who I am and I will always share it. I lived alone in silence and fear and no child should ever be afraid to seek help. Blessings to you two. ❤️🦋❤️

    1. Thank you Grace. I love being a part of this publication and being able to read one another’s work. Your kind comment is appreciated believe me, blessings right back at you Grace. Hugs, Joni

    1. Please don’t ever feel you need to read my work. You are a tender hearted and kind human. I know you from “Yellow Door.” The guy I met up with was a gift from God. I know God put that boy I went to elementary school with to protect me. He gave me what I needed. He talked, cuddled and let me cry till sun up. God is pure love and Grace. There is no way that was a consequence, but then I don’t have to tell you that. Sending you big hugs, love and blessings my wise friend. 🤗❤️🙏🥰

      1. Thank you Joni. I don’t have a difficult time reading difficult ‘writes’. I just recognize them as such. I am very grateful of your sensitivity to me though. You are gracious! And I saw him as a true gift. I am sure that kindness resonates through, still.

      2. Yes, indeed. Well I appreciate your reading my work as it means a lot to me. I have great respect for you. Yes he was a true gift, I hope he married and is being blessed with a happy life. Big hugs and love my wise friend. Joni

      1. Sorry Michele this ended up in that round file. I never understand how this happens but I am just grateful I got to see it, so thank you so much. Big hugs, Joni

    1. Dawn thank you for your kindness. This ended up in the round file somehow and I just wanted you to know that I always appreciate you reading my work. Sending love, Joni

  1. Thank you for your wonderful contribution, Joni. The image you’ve chosen is stunning. I appreciate the different perspectives each of us has on a particular writing piece. Truly creative. 🙂

    1. Terveen I am so sorry this comment along with several others ending up in the wrong file, I have no idea how or why. However, thank you as always for your support, kindness and thoughtfulness.

    1. Thank you Cindy for reading and your comment. That is why the end of the story is all about forgiveness,

      “They were in pain their whole lives. I knew, at last, they were in heaven together and free of their alcoholism, memories of their horrid childhoods, and their own regret. After all, we all deserve forgiveness if we want God to forgive us.”

      Many people stuff their feeling away without dealing with them and then you likely have another alcoholic, drug addict, or worse.

      As a child I didn’t have a voice, I was silenced and abused. As a survivor it is my job to use my voice to help others, by not sticking my head in the sand, which is what was done for years in families where the children were ostracized and bore the weight of gossip, lack of friends, isolation, and misery. It takes a great deal of courage to talk about my past and it makes others uncomfortable, that’s why people try and hide the big elephant and never address it, I’m grateful to God that it’s not me.

  2. Your parents’ pain, self-absorption, and cruelty are vividly portrayed here. Your capacity for forgiveness is amazing, and your survival an outright miracle. Thank you for sharing this intimate story, Joni. Your friend, A. <3 <3 <3

    1. I feel so privileged that you are my friend Anna. Your reading my work is a blessing for me but I don’t want you to be sad, as I am as happy as anyone has a right to be in our world. It is difficult not to feel sadness for the horrendous discrepancies in the rich and the poor. How all people don’t get free medical care and medications as well as more time off and free childcare. I know enough about your heart to know what is going on in the world is painful enough for you to take. You are such a blessing and all the time you helped so many people get free help with your law degree. I wish we could have a cup of coffee one day a week and just check in with one another. When she was sober those two years, my father died after the first but that last year was a blessing for me. I was able to call and talk to my mom and it was such a wonderful blessing for me. One more tidbit of a true blessing in a nightmare – mom kept all her and dad’s precious stuff in an army trunk and the bottom of their bed. I found a letter she wrote to me on a birthday but never mailed. It was a beautiful letter asking for forgiveness. It meant the world to me. Thank you dearest Anna and know that I love you and you are in my prayers as is your family. Big hugs and blessings coming your way. xoxoxoxo

    1. Thank you so much KK, you are always supportive of me and that touches my heart, thank you my friend. I forgave them so long ago and I do believe I will see them in heaven. Blessings to you my very kind and amazing poet. Hugs, Joni xoxoxo

      1. You’re welcome, Joni. I always believe in such circumstances that God is great. He takes care of all. Stay blessed 🙏💐💖

      1. Thank you so much dear Belladonna. I am sorry some of my comments ended up in that round file. I appreciate your reading me. Have a truly blessed day, big hugs, Joni xoxoxo

    1. Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate you reading me here very much. It is a beautiful art piece. I am glad you liked it. I thought it was lovely too. I really appreciate art. I can’t draw a stick figure myself. Have a blessed weekend. Love and hugs, Joni 🦋🤗❤️🌺

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