Abused child

Picture of me when I was about six years old with my cat, crazy cat. I was always perfectly groomed.

do not presume to know me
my face a frowning moon
crevices of sadness besmear
a hoary soul who wonders here

wounds scab, heal and gaze
as an eyeless void, she paints
no peak can lug the weight
of a child begotten such a fate

94 thoughts on “Abused child

    1. Thank you for reading Tim. I know you have a tender heart and these poems are hard for you to read. Thank you for doing so my friend. It is the reason I started my blog but I found that it is very hard for many to read these poems so I do one from time to time and hopefully I reach some folks that donโ€™t feel as alone if they are still struggling with their lives. I am blessed and want to give back. Big hugs and lots of my love to you both. โค๏ธ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ™Joni

    1. Thank you so much Ingrid. I truly appreciate your kind words. You just did give her a hug with your thoughtful words. Have a truly blessed week. โค๏ธ

  1. I love reading these excerpts of your story, dear Joni. I could never understand the feelings behind the words, yet the window into your youness is an honor I cherish; and, the words do resonate in my heart and with my story in its unique way. One of the wonders of being kindred spirits. Much love to you. ๐Ÿฅฐโค๏ธ

    1. Dearest Jeff thank you for your kind and gracious words. I have connected to some wonderful people on WordPress that share some part of my story. I wish you had never had a glimpse into my window but I am also honored that you have shared what you have. My guess is that is one of the reasons you write so very beautifully. We are indeed kindred spirits dear Jeff. Another small story is when I had convinced myself that my parents were Robots. We lived on base and I just knew it was some kind of secret. I became afraid of most adults. When my parents got sober for a small period of time, I confessed all to my mom. I told her how glad she was back. The next thing I knew we moved off base to a very isolated area where the abuse escalated. The silver lining was we had four acres mostly wooded and I spend every single moment I could with Sally my doll and Godโ€™s beautiful earth. God was always by my side. He still is too. Thank you for your support and lovely heart. ๐Ÿค—โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’•๐ŸŽˆ๐Ÿฆ‹much love to you. Joni โค๏ธ

      1. Our stories do overlap, as, I think do many stories of people who have experienced early childhood trauma. Sad, and, yet, there is beauty in connecting with kindred spirits. Super meaningful and resonates deeply. Thank you, dear Joni. I appreciate you for sharing more of your story with me – I am so glad that you had space to get out of the way, and into the glorisouness of this planets foilage. Ah, Joni, my heart breaks for the things children go through, and yet it is also full of hope, and knowing that for those of us who do make it, there is a responsibility to give back, which you do every day through your beautiful words. Much love to you. ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’–

  2. Oh Joni, you sure are dressed perfectly but what a weight to bare. It pains me to know that’s how difficult it was for you and helpless and scary it must have been for you. I’m glad you had your sweet kitty to love and adored you! He / she looks just like my sweet Star. hugs and love my dear friend ๐Ÿค—โค๏ธ

    1. Oh thank you my friend who is not so far away. It was frightening everyday and at night especially because of the constant threat of fire with sleeping with lit cigarettes. We had several kitchen fires. God got me through and my imagination. Once when I was in elementary school the whole class was assigned 100 sentences for something. I started crying hysterically and the teacher escorted me outside into the hallway. She didnโ€™t understand why I was so upset with the punishment. I told her my dad had given each of us girls a turtle and they would take him away or even kill him if I got in trouble. The teacher canceled the exercise and comforted me as much as she could. I have had a wonderful and fulfilling life and my daughter and I are very close. My goal is to let even adults know that they are not alone. We share a common bond and there will always be a bit of underlying sorrow in my life. However we all have our burdens to bear. I hope you saw my comment on your beautiful poem on MasticadoresUSA. Cindy it was so beautiful. You deserve a five star rating on that one. Just lovely. I will catch up this week, we have had a busy weekend. Love you sweetie. โค๏ธ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿฆ‹๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ๐ŸŽˆJoni

      1. Hi my sweet friend closer than far. I can’t imagine how terrifying that was and I’m glad you had a tender hearted teacher but to go home to that fear everyday is so horrible. This is such an important cause. No one should have to suffer like that and I applaud your efforts and work to share your misfortune so others can know the sorrow and heal theres and protect the children.
        Oh thank you for the kind appreciation. I thought I responded to you there but maybe I’m missing something.. I’ll go there now. Thanks you so much my friend and have a great Sunday my dearest. ๐Ÿ’–

      2. Cindy I am having to ask a lot of people for forgiveness tonight. I had 22 pending comments even though my notification on my phone show none. I don’t know why this is happening, but I am so sorry. Thank you for all the kind comments I do appreciate it. I am so blessed to know such wonderful and supportive people that add to other people’s life so much like you do Cindy. We all try to do our best to make a difference. I appreciate your kind words very much, I am trying to help others because I am one of the very fortunate and blessed ones, many don’t fare so well. This is one reason I enjoy visiting your site and seeing your family and everyone just looks so happy and filled with love. It makes me happy for your sweet children. You can tell you are such a blessing to your entire family. Thank you Cindy, I love you sweetie.

      3. Oh Joni my sweet friend. You NEVER have to ask for forgiveness from me my dear friend of my heart, closer than far! . It is my pleasure and so much deserved! We sure do our best is right and that’s the best we can do! You are soooo welcome. You know Joni, that is very kind of you to say because I had kids hoping I could have the family I wish I had had. it wasn’t easy growing up!!!!! It is always a crap shoot and you can’t control anything as we know. My only requirement was you had to respect each other… not even like each other and somehow they are best friends. Thanks for allowing me time to reflect on that and sharing what you see. That means so much to me. You’re welcome and I love you too Joni!๐ŸŒท๐Ÿ’–โฃ๏ธ

      4. The love you show comes busting through their sweet faces Cindy and the love does in yours as well. It is easy to see you raised an amazing group of healthy children and happy ones too. There is no harder job or responsibility then raising such a gift. I love it when you show post with your lovely family. Thank you for your understanding. I just saw in one of Gabriela’s (Button) post that wordpress is having outages, perhaps that is what is causing me to have so many pending comments. Also saying I am not following people that I have followed for two years, so I will plug along and hope everyone is as gracious as you dear sweet soul. Thank you for being my friend Cindy, I am blessed by your friendship. Big hugs and love, Joni xoxoxoxo

      5. Oh that’s so sweet and kind. You are I catch honey bees and multiply them when and where we can and I have no doubt all of your other followers will be kings and loving as well.. I’m mean it’s YOU. How could they not be. It’s hard enough to keep up with out all the glitches.. Sorry about that.. We just plug away.. well put. You’re welcome and thank you. feeling blessed๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒท

    1. How funny. I think my little bangs look kind of funny but as you said that was the style. Sending hugs Cassa. You have a blessed week. โค๏ธโค๏ธ๐Ÿค—Joni

    1. Thank you so much Brad. I appreciate our friendship, it means a lot to me. Hope you will have a wonderful weekend. I am actually getting out of the house today for the first time in ages. Looking forward to it. Big southern hugs and lots of love to you Brad. โค๏ธ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿฆ‹Jonikins

    1. Thank you so much my wise friend. When I was growing up there were thirty million Adult Children of Alcoholic living in the US. It was unusual to have both parents being addicted and abusive. I am incredibly blessed. My mom taught me about God and I found strength in my faith which I still do. They both committed suicide before I was thirty. Children like me are very isolated and often abused by others because we are not watched. I have had a good life, a child who is extremely successful and a 25 year marriage. I got help so I would not repeat the cycle. There is hope for anyone growing up like this now. There are so many resources available now. Thank you for your kind comment and support. Love โค๏ธ Joni

      1. This comment is a post unto itself. Thank YOU Joni, for sharing this. It is amazing that your blessings lift you above your pains. That is faith, indeed.

      2. Hello my friend the wise one, I had twenty comments in Pending yet again. I don’t know what is going on. I will text customer service tomorrow at WordPress, I have a business account and I have no idea why this keeps happening. I just showed no comments. Thank you for your kindness and for your friendship Colleen. I was happy to share it with you, I know there is no judgement with you. I do really have strong faith, I enjoy sharing so people that are currently going through horrible situations can see that there is hope and a chance of happiness. I worry about teenagers a lot during COVID especially who may be in abusive situations. Thank you again for your wisdom that you share with all of us. Your words are always profound and I often can relate extremely closely with many of the things you say so I consider it a blessing. You are a blessing. Love you, Joni xoxoxox

      3. Wp keeps unfollowing my people. I have no clue what they are doing.

        When Covid ‘shut down’ the world I know there was tremendous concern for children in abusive environments. No one to see them or be able to check on them. It’s very scary when the ripple effect is on-going.

      4. Hi my wise friend I always enjoy your words so much. Wp has also unfollowed my long time friends as well. I think it just must be crazy busy for them. I talked to one school teacher in our neighborhood and she said she knew some teachers were actually going to check on some of their students. That surprised me but it was wonderful to hear that. I loved my teachers. They use to take me to get a coke at the nurses station when I complained about my stomach hurting. I think I was probably just hungry. I have a special place in my heart for people who teach the little ones. It is hard on them right now. The ripple effect will likely be unknown for years. Little ones will be studying this long after we are gone most likely. I hope you are well and managing. I wonder if you have climbed any mountains lately. I like to imagine you with your staff climbing along mountains strong, fearless and with a big warm jacket. I am sending you my love and thanking you for your posts. They are so often wise and truly make me think. Bless your heart. โค๏ธ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’•๐ŸŽˆlove Joni

      5. I am in awe of our teachers.

        Interesting you ask about the mountains. We have made two trips in the past month to some mountains. Short hikes. Some pretty steep. But oh soooooooo beautiful!

      6. Oh how wonderful Colleen. When we lived in the Seattle area we use to go hiking a lot. You must be in great shape. I have a hard time doing steep climbing. I really like to look at everything too. I am so glad you got to go. Sending my love wise one. Be safe ok ๐Ÿค—โค๏ธ๐ŸŽˆ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฆ‹Love Joni

      7. Bless you. I am not in great shape. Actually the last 2 years have been very difficult. Old injuries catching up to me. But I am inspired when I am out, to ‘be’ part of it. A short hike is better than no hike. ๐Ÿ™‚ and we did do one I had done a few years ago. It was much harder this time. But JUST as rewarding. ๐Ÿ™‚

      8. Oh I am so glad to hear that my wise friend. You are right a shorter walk is better then no walk, as is a hike. I would say you are doing well. Old injuries are a pain, I have a few of those myself. I am sorry you are dealing with that. So glad you are still going on hikes. Sending my love, hoping you are having a beautiful Sunday. Love you, Joni xoxoxo

  3. No child should have to go through such treatment. Words from the soul, as usual, dear Joni. Sending hugs and love. Allan ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—โค

    1. Thank you Allan. What a kind comment. You are so right. If I reach even one child or teenager that feels less isolated and afraid 24/7 then I will have achieved something very worthwhile. Sending hugs and love back. Joni

  4. Thank you for sharing your life with us Joni, through your poems. Even when itโ€™s hard. God is using you to help others. And your life of perseverance is a beautiful example to many. โค๏ธ

    1. Hi Dawn you are one of 22 people I am having to apologize to tonight. Although my phone showed not comments under notification my computer showed 22 pending comments when I went into look at how my posts were doing. So so sorry I missed this very kind comment. It means so much to me. I can tell as the others folks that responded that you understand that this is my way of giving back as I am so blessed to have made it and have a protected and blessed life with the love of God and my strong faith. Thank you for saying that you think I am a good example I sure try to be. Love you Dawn and thank you for blessing me with such a very kind comment. Joni xoxoxoxo

      1. Youโ€™re very welcome! And thatโ€™s ok. Technology gets crazy and messes up sometimes lol. Love you too and keep on shining for Jesus.

      2. Will do my sweet friend you too. Sending you lots of love hugs and blessings. ๐Ÿค—โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฆ‹๐Ÿ™

  5. Oh my sweetie, you’re such an angel..! You looks so pretty and beautiful..! And you the sweet kitty is amazing..!๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—

      1. Hi Joni..! Awww!! How sweet and lovely you are..! It’s absolutely my pleasure dear..! Sending you loads of hugs and love to you my sweetie..! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—โœจโœจ๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŒˆ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ‹๐Ÿฆ‹๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™โค๏ธ

    1. Hi Sweetie, I have to contact WordPress tomorrow. My phone shows no comments and I have 22 in pending when I go into my site with the computer. I am so sorry that this is happening Brenda. Thank you for your comment so much. I am feeling your sweet love and hugs tonight and appreciate them too. You are a sweet blessing. I would never ignore a comment, this is awful. Please know I appreciate every word and I feel your love, I truly do. Stay blessed sweetie, and thanks again. Love you, Joni xoxoxoxo

    1. Hi Mary this has been in my pending comments, I am sorry for the late response. I really appreciate your very thoughtful and gracious comment. I believe we all have our battles to deal with and it hopefully makes us stronger. Thank you very much Mary for both your support and your friendship. Hugs and love, Joni

  6. Child abuse is so difficult for ordinary people to understand, Joni. Those of us, and I include myself, who had a blissful childhood under the care and love of good parents find the whole idea of abuse as distressing as it is appalling. The most trusted people in our early lives are those who are supposed to protect us from the wickedness of the world and a failure not only to do that but to be the perpetrator of abuse is unforgivable.
    You put the situation so candidly and with such frankness, yet clothed in beautiful poignant language. The recent news from France about yet more sexual abuse committed on children under the care of the church only underlines how prevalent paedophilia is, and more so when those put in authority allow their power to consume them.
    Keep safe and stay well. xx

    1. Stuart thank you for your very kind and very thoughtful words. I couldnโ€™t have defined abuse better than you did. Thank you for understanding that people donโ€™t get it and I am happy that they donโ€™t. I am so glad you had a wonderful childhood because rich or poor children should be loved an treasured. Thank you so much for sharing. You and Valerie have an amazing week my friend. โค๏ธ๐Ÿค—

  7. An exceptional poem honeybun. It’s a pain that I do not know, but when you write it takes over me. I shiver. You are a wonderful writer and expressing what defines YOU – good and bad – enriches each of us. Thank you for sharing sweetheart.
    Sending love and lots of blessings.

    1. Thank you Button. I appreciate your lovely words. I am so glad you felt the emotion expressed in this piece and appreciated that you were enriched by this piece. Thank you so much for reading. Sending my love and hugs always. โค๏ธ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’•๐ŸŽˆ๐Ÿฅฐhoneybun

      1. Please donโ€™t apologize to me. We are good friends and I know how crazy busy you are. I am always happy when I hear from you but you have your teaching now as well – I donโ€™t know how you manage but I am so grateful that great reviews keep coming in and you are doing so well. It is all so deserving. Sending you big hugs and lots of love. My prayers and blessings are always coming your way. Love โค๏ธ honeybun

      2. Joni, sweetheart, thank you for your understanding. I really appreciate your prayers and blessings. I need them because tonight I am not sure anymore that I can handle anything. I am as tired as a human can be. Anyway, thank you again and lots of love to you, hon.

      3. I will keep you in my prayers always Button. Please try to rest. Sending my love to you. I canโ€™t imagine. Please donโ€™t worry ever about me, I understand, I do. Just please take care. Love you โค๏ธ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿฅฐ

    1. Thank you dearest Anna. You have really been on my mind, I need to write you and see how things are going. You have been in my prayers. What would we do some times without the every loving grace and love of God? Bless you dear friend. Sending you my love and more prayers. xoxoxoxoxo Joni

  8. So much sadness depicted in your poem and the image of a younger you is so heartbreaking. Sending comforting hugs to younger you and lots of love coming your way dear Joni <3

    1. Thank you my very kind friend Henrietta. The younger you thanks you and so do I. My life is blessed my friend. I survived and I have a roof over my head, food and clean water. There are so many people that did not make it that grew up like I did. Thank you for your kind support my friend. I hope you are well. I love you, and appreciate your friendship. ๐Ÿค—โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿฆ‹๐Ÿ˜˜

      1. You have a beautiful perspective on life and thatโ€™s so uplifting. Lots of love and wishing you blessings in abundance ๐Ÿ’•๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿค—โค๏ธ

  9. I saw this one earlier and it struck me then too, right to the heart, Joni. I’m so glad that you can write about this sad time in your life, and that you are stronger and happy now! Sending you love and light my dear friend! ๐Ÿฅฐโค๐ŸŒž

    1. Thank you Phillip I really appreciate your kind comment. Yes it is always sad when children are abused but it is a reality for many kids. Hope things are going well where you call home Phillip. We are taking the plunge, we are fully vaccinated and are going to fly to Seattle, quarentine for a few days and finally see my daughter and her family. I have missed two years of watching my little grandchildren grow up. I have even had the booster so I am hoping you are also safe where you are. Sending hugs, Love Joni

      1. I’m so happy for you! That’s going to be so great!! We are well and so excited for our 5-year-old to hopefully get his first vaccine in the next few weeks so we can get back into the world a bit more fully as well!

      2. That is wonderful Phillip. I am so grateful I have my writing to focus on. Keeps me busy for several hours a day. Glad your family is all well. Love to you all my friend. โค๏ธ๐Ÿค—

  10. Oh Joni you are the cutest! I sense pain in your sweet little face. Heavenly renewal hugs to you always! You are a winner and survivor!๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐ŸŒ™

  11. Your post really resonates with me. I know the symptoms of people who have an abused childhood. Often it is very difficult for them to recuperate since they are not socialized well as a kid. It is a long and painful struggle. Too bad that there are children like that and often these children feel that the society and other people are indifferent to their plight.

    1. Thank you for your kindness my friend. You are right many people can not relate and I am glad they don’t know what it is like. I do appreciate people reading my work in regards to my life and being responsive. That has been a blessing to me. Thank you so much for your kindness. Sending you my love. xoxoxo Joni

    1. Thank you for reading and your kind comment Felipe. Hopefully less children will have to suffer in the world today, yet I worry that children are in someways even more victimized on a global scale. ๐Ÿค—โค๏ธ๐ŸŒน๐Ÿฆ‹

      1. I fear that, on the global scale, we’re merely just learning how terrible children have it so many places in our world; but it’s good we know โค๏ธ

      2. You are so right Felipe. I agree with you. The more we read and learn the scarier and more tragic it becomes for our little ones. God so love the little ones too. So sad when children are inslaved, sold, killed and traded. It is hard to imagine but it does happen. Thank you so much for reading. Sending you love and hugs for you and your loved ones. xoxoxoxo

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