Trust – The Merriam-Webster definition of trust is: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.
As an Adult Child you can work to widen your circle of trust, by not being too hard on others. We are extremely demanding on ourselves, but remember we are not flawless, only Christ was without sin when he walked this earth. So strive to bestow those beings that come across your passageway in life, some grace. It is hard I know; I struggle with this issue each and every day.
As an ACoA I did not know the meaning of the word trust for so many years. It was non-existent in our home. My mother, when having a particularly bad evening, would occasionally tell me that she might cut off my waist length hair while I slept. So I lived in fear of waking up bald. These words of hers came with no explanation or justification.
Also as a child we were told not to smoke, curse or drink and yet my parents did all these things almost on a daily basis. So this made no sense to me and if I dared to question them regarding the basis of this request, I was met with a slap or much worse.
My father also liked to shoot his shotgun when we were in the house. Often he would aim toward the ceiling, but this was not always the case.
One day when I was outside in my little Jane outfit and was having a wonderful time with my make-believe Tarzan family under the massive oak tree, I heard my dad calling my name.
Normally, I would have had lots of time to play, as it was a Saturday and my mom and dad should have been smashed and passed out by now. My need to be obedient in everything I did never allowed me to behave badly. The fear of maltreatment was far too great. So I quickly ran towards my father’s drunken call.
I saw dad standing on the steps of the back porch, calling my name while holding his shotgun. I didn’t know what to do, so I panicked. This was one time I would not do as I was told. I made my way to the neighbor’s barn and hid behind stacked bales of hay. I was shaking and crying. All the while, I could hear my father screaming my name over and over. Dad did this while shooting the shotgun multiple times towards the woods where he thought I was playing.
During my time hiding, I tried to imagine what it would feel like to be shot. I was truly afraid I might die that bright and sunny day, huddled down deep behind the hay, trying hard to silence my whimpering, when all I really wanted to do was play.
There is one person we can all absolutely trust, and that is God. Deuteronomy 31:8
“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
You, my brothers and sisters are never alone!