Feeling Guilty All the Time as Adult Children

When I was a young child and teenager I felt guilty all the time.  I believed that if I would have been better behaved, my parents would not have required their daily doses of alcohol.

I was certainly told, often enough, that I was responsible for my mother’s drinking.  This is a horrible thing for any mother to tell her child.  The anguish I suffered due to my belief in her words caused me to be hyper anxious all the time.  I was always frantically trying to figure out what I could change or what I could do to fix this horrible situation in which I found myself captive.

My little boney knees were tender from the time I spent kneeling on them in prayer.  I fervently prayed to God to help me to be a better child, so I would no longer cause harm to my mother or father.

Later my mother blamed her drinking on my father.  However, after my mother killed herself, I found a story she had written.  She described how she had begun her drinking as a teenager.  She too, came from a horrible family situation.

This is a multi-generational disease and it is important for all children and teenagers growing up in a dysfunctional alcoholic home, to understand, that it is not their fault.

I was a victim and so were both my parents when they were children.  It is highly likely that one or both of your parents were as well.  They could have had an active alcoholic parent of their own.  Perhaps you may have a parent that was sexually abused by their parent or a family member and they never received help.  There are so many various situations and illnesses that can cause dysfunction in families.

Today, what I pray for is that all my fellow ACoA brothers and sisters will pat themselves on the back and celebrate who they are and know that they are not the reason their parents were abusive.  Never forget, you were the child and your parents the adults.  You are not answerable for any of their behaviors.  Remember, we are warriors and survivors and we can change and make our lives into our own beautiful story!

I celebrate each and every one of you this day and pray for blessing upon your life!

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